You cannot possess emotional intelligence if you have never cultivated and trained it. And if you believe otherwise, you'll discover how tiring it is to be yourself and having to be a leader for someone at the same time, be it a group of people or even just someone you've decided to dedicate time to to accompany them in their professional and personal growth.
Tim Cook replies to one of his collaborators
This thought comes after reading a article came out Inc.com who commented on the answer that Tim Cook gave to one of his collaborators after receiving one from him long email which reported a precise but long-winded analysis on a long-standing topic related to the process of validation and publication of Apps on the Apple Store. Putting together Article with the fortunate experiences that I have lived in my life in contact with people endowed with a unique charisma associated with a rare social intelligence, I have decided to write my own reflection on the subject by taking up the ideas that many years ago I had learned by reading the book by subject matter guru Daniel Goleman.
Words are important
Taking up the article, Tim Cook replies to his collaborator with a question made up of a single word, asks him the question “Thoughts?” as if to wake him up “now that you've told me all this… what are your thoughts on resolving the issue… what solutions do you propose? what ideas do you have? yes, you were good at analyzing the problem, but did you also reason to understand how to solve it?”. The theme is very subtle. Tim probably read the email in blocks, but he quickly realized that a proposal was missing from the whole discussion, i.e. the most important thing that each of us would have wanted to receive in order to build the discussion with his collaborator and get to the heart of the problem. Unfortunately however, although the collaborator appears to be very knowledgeable on the subject and convincing in his analysis of him, he has not been able to be… CONCRETE and decisive in his reasoning.
Reflect
Think. Instead of three A4 pages of email, the collaborator only had to write a single sentence: "Dear Tim... about the topic... which you will know very well because it has already been discussed... I have analyzed the whole process... and I would like to make you a proposal.". Why? :
- the problem is known as he himself admits
- the process is known as anticipated by him
- it makes no sense to propose it again to show that you know it when it would have been enough to arrive at the conclusion to affirm a healthy proposal for change that cannot be separated from the mastery of the theme
At this point where I want to get... to the fact that two skills are becoming increasingly important in our working life: listening and training. Cook did it. In his own way. With a single word he relaunched the discussion and thought. He demonstrates a healthy emotional intelligence that made me think about how often I'm given problems without first thinking about how to overcome them. But for this to happen there needs to be bilateral participation together with an essential and contextual component which is the basis of the reasoning:
“The secret to achieving a high collective IQ is social harmony”
-Daniel Goleman-
Armonia
To develop emotional intelligence in yourself and in a context made up of other people, it is necessary to create harmony.
Harmony, feminine noun. It is a word with a sweet sound that has multiple meanings among which my favorite is the following: “Consonance of voices or instruments in agreement with each other and therefore grateful to the ear and the heart, concento: Ed erra l'armonia for this valley (Leopards); sometimes all internal.”.
Harmony is made in the concrete of behaviors and it is essential for the ideal environment to be created around us to develop the intelligence with which ideas and proposals are born. Listening, understanding and interacting with others and with yourself are the doors to developing a healthy relational structure and creating a platform for the development of emotional intelligence. But that's not enough. As Goleman writes, another essential component for all this to happen are emotions, or rather the ability to recognize and intercept them. For example, this summer I found myself having to manage a gate for the entrance to a public event of hundreds of people with dozens of different problems and needs. I was amazed at how easy it was overall to manage a situation that seemed like total mess and chaos while remaining natural and connected to people, to their real problems. By controlling stress but above all by developing an empathic and different link with each of them. Obviously it wasn't easy and decisive for all cases but it wasn't important it was. At that moment it was essential to listen to them and convey trust. Superficially it has nothing to do with the answer that Tim Cook gave to his collaborator but if you dig deep down you will find similarities with the fourth concept that Goleman refers to emotional intelligence or the philosopher's stone of thought: our ability to relate to communicate, reach agreements, and create positive and respectful connections with others.
The title of this post was created to compare two people and two different behaviors and the reactions they trigger:
- ME, me, me… the one who tries to bend reality to his will without any desire to create a connection with others
- You, me, us... the one who understood the meaning of the word "together" to get to the goal
Personal dedication
A hug to the colleagues with whom I spent an unforgettable month. A month full of situations always bordering on inner and working discomfort. A test of strength that first put stress on the ability to listen and solve problems. The curious thing was that I learned many things without having to do my job, forgetting my role and reminding myself that I was with other people with a single goal, to do our best for us, for the company and its founders and for the public.
